ongoings

I apologize for not having written in the last two months. At times I forget that my friends and family actually check this out occasionally. Life here has become so common for me that I unconsciously think that you all know all about it too. So what has been going on with me?

I last left you with a druken post. I know it may not sound like it, but at the time that I wrote that I was feeling pretty good. Every now and then I am able to sit back and just think about what the hell kind of a wierd situation am I in, and it cracks me up. Who in their right mind would ever go live in a rural Paraguayan community, if they weren't an anthropologist? At least they have clear reasons for being there. I feel like an anthropologist who went to live in another culture but not researching any specific thing. So I am left to wander about the culture as a whole, getting frustrated because I have no real objective other than ... to wander. Everytime I walk down the street in my community, people stare at me. My best geuss as to what they are thinking is something like, "What the hell is that gingro doing here?" I like it when my dog follows me when I go somewhere walking, that way, I am less of an outsider. The dog is part of the community - he's been there 11 years - and he has my back. Though he hardly has any teeth left.

I took some time off to travel around this part of the globe and it was a much needed break. It was good to get away but bad too because I got to see how other South American countries run things and it makes it painfully clear how much of a disaster Paraguay is. I really see no hope. The government is so corrupt, I am suprised there are paved roads, Though they likely came from the smugglers. The Paraguayan people have somewhat of a rebelious past, but I think that spirit has died. It has been accepted that the government is corrupt and that simply is the way it is.. whenever that agreement was made, this country was doomed.

My work basically now adays hardly extends beyond helping one person. There is only one person that I know whom has the will to strive, the desire to change his status, and it is for him that I am still a Peace Corps volunteer. Because he understands that yes while Paraguay is a distaster for economic development, he can still keep his livelehood in his own hands. So many people are chained by tradition, or apathy, or fear. I have tried to show people the sort of resource that I am - even down to saying "just present me with estimates on how much pipe you need to irrigate your field and I will see how much money I can get." And they never do it.

The question is how long can I continue to live for one person? The selfish reasons for me to stay are dwindling. I have learnt about as much Spanish as many people in my community know, I have gotten hands on expereince with agriculture, gotten to know another way of life, and so on. We will just have to see how things go ...